As a life coach, I’m exposed to so many different types of women doing personal development work.
It’s like having a peak inside of all the kinds of minds.
I just love it.
With that has come a tremendous opportunity for me to see what’s stopping most women from getting results.
I put all this information into a nice and tidy little list for you below, so you can apply this work to your own life, avoiding the worst mistakes.
Here’s a look at the top 10 personal development mistakes I see the most…
1. Lacking awareness (of how you think and feel)
The first personal development mistake is lacking awareness.
I’m talking about lacking awareness for how you think and feel.
If you don’t understand how you think and feel you can’t possible change your actions and results. You can try, but it won’t work.
Example: Saying, “I’m so stressed about my job, and money, and I just want to stay home with the kids.”
Stress is a feeling. It’s caused by your thinking. It’s never caused by the thing outside of you.
Until you understand how thoughts and emotions work, you won’t be able to create your future on purpose. You’ll try to make your life easy by fixing your circumstances. This doesn’t work because there’s no place where life is easy.
2. Comparing yourself to other people
The second mistake is comparing yourself to other people.
This is a big one for women.
We love to compare ourselves.
And honestly, it’s human nature. It’s totally normal.
Example: Saying, “She has so much more money than me. Her life is so easy. I want to wake up every day and be happy and do whatever I want.”
Someone actually emailed me something similar to this (!!!).
Just remember that when you’re comparing yourself to someone else, no matter how “good” you think they have it, they still have a human brain. And that human brain means feeling all the emotions (negative included).
It’s normal to compare yourself but it’s not reality. You have to stop your own brain.
3. Not dreaming big enough
The third personal development mistake is not dreaming big enough.
Please let’s talk about this.
Why are we not dreaming BIGGER. So much bigger.
Example: Saying, “I want to lose 10lbs and pay off my car.”
Maybe you really do want to do these things, but what would you REALLY dream about if you believed anything was possible?
An apartment in New York City, traveling internationally every couple of months, debt free and millions of dollars in the bank? What would you dream about having if you truly believed anything was possible?
The thing is, your brain is a play ground for thoughts. And you can think anything at any time.
Why not dream big?
There’s seriously no downside except your own disappointment.
And if you’ve been following along with my work, you know you can experience any emotion. So, you don’t have to worry. You can dream big.
4. Letting your past define your future
The fourth mistake is letting your past define your future.
Most people do this unknowingly.
They think they’re stating facts, but it’s really limiting beliefs.
Example: “Well, I’ve never lost weight before.” Or “Well, I’ve always struggled with men because my dad was an alcoholic and my parents divorced.”
It’s a lie.
It’s just your brain repeating thoughts from the past.
Are you willing to give up your identity right now for the one you want?
I’ve done this over and over–it’s hard but it’s 100% worth it.
5. Blaming your circumstances for how you feel
The fifth personal development mistake is blaming your circumstances for how you feel.
Example: Saying, “He ruined my life by cheating on me, and I’m getting a divorce. I’m devastated.”
You feel devastated because of your thoughts. He is not causing a feeling in your body. It’s impossible.
It doesn’t mean you don’t want to feel devastated. But when you blame him, you add a layer of suffering for you that isn’t necessary.
When you take full responsibility for how you feel, you win the lottery.
The worst you can ever feel is a negative emotion and that is freedom.
6. Resisting negative emotion
The sixth personal development mistake is resisting negative emotion.
Example: Saying, “The pain is unbearable. This divorce is killing me. It shouldn’t be happening.”
This is added suffering. Instead, you might tell yourself, “I can feel any emotion. This pain is heartbreak. I can feel heartbreak.”
When you say “this shouldn’t be happening” you’re arguing with reality and causing so much unnecessary suffering.
Allowing negative emotion means you almost enjoy it. You enjoy all of it. You don’t escape it with overeating, overdrinking, overshopping, etc.
I was able to do this really well with my dad’s alcoholism and his death. It allowed me to love him and grieve from a very clean place instead of with added suffering.
7. Not taking responsibility for your results
The seventh personal development mistake is not taking responsibility for the results you have in your life.
Example: Saying, “My business coach wasn’t good, so I didn’t make any money last year.”
I hear this all the time.
If you didn’t make money it’s because of your beliefs, feelings, and actions. Your coach doesn’t make money for you. That’s your job.
The truth is that you’re always the cause of your results.
Your life is full of results.
How much you weigh is a result.
How much money you make is a result.
Your relationship status is a result.
Where you live is a result.
You created all of it. This is the best news ever. It means you can change it.
But I promise you times a million this only happens after you take responsibility for the results you have now.
8. Believing you’re damaged and unworthy
The eighth mistake is believing you’re damaged or have “low self worth.”
Example: Saying, “I’m broken, I’m damaged, I don’t deserve success.”
Hear me: you are not damaged.
No one is damaged.
It’s not a thing.
We’re all just messy humans doing our best.
When you really understand this, you start loving yourself, loving others, and looking for connection instead of separation.
We’re all here just doing our best.
And we’re all 100% worthy of having all of it.
9. Beating yourself up
The ninth personal development mistake is beating yourself up.
THIS ONE is so toxic.
We’re mean to ourselves and we don’t even realize it.
It’s subtle and sneaky.
Example: Saying, “I was ridiculous. I made the worst decision. I’m horrible. I shouldn’t have gotten in that debt.”
Even if you don’t want to be in debt anymore, why not have your back about it? There’s no downside. You don’t have to hate yourself into getting out of debt.
It’s not necessary to beat yourself up ever. It doesn’t change the results. It feels useful, but it’s not.
You can love yourself. You can have your own back.
10. Staying in passive action
Finally, the personal development mistake that is rampant is staying in passive action.
Example: Taking course after course after course without applying it to your life.
You need to actually apply personal development to your life.
Reading, listening, and being a student is the first step.
I stayed in this phase for about 5 years! Eeeek!
It wasn’t until I started applying it to my life that my life changed.
You know you’re applying it to your life if your life is drastically upleveled.
Your results don’t lie.
This is what we do in Grow You. It’s applying personal development to your life.
It’s harder than reading a blog post or listening to a podcast, but it’s where your results are.
A Final Note!
Personal development work is the most important work you can ever do.
When you get better, you bring that into the world, and the world gets better.
It’s an honor and a privilege to be able to help and serve you in this way.
Next Up, watch the YouTube video…